I Met My Dying Self

I met my dying self on the couch
He was fat, lazy and stressed
I wanted to warn him
You’re headed for a heart attack
But I knew he wouldn’t listen

He didn’t listen to his doctors
To his mother, his wife or his daughters
They taught with truth, nagged with love
But he still ate what he wanted
He rebuffed gentle invites to walk
He worked often but rarely labored

He defended his midlife couch crisis
He had a family to support
Career skills to develop
Noble passion projects to pursue
He had health problems
A bad back, achy legs, gut issues
But those were rationalizations

He wasn’t always so wimpy
Our younger self would have scoffed
That guy loved food, too, but also sports
He played football and basketball
Tennis, racquetball and ping-pong
Even golf, a game he once mocked
That guy waded the creeks to fish
Walked the hills to hunt

What happened to him?
My dying self didn’t know
I couldn’t explain it to him
That guy we knew was just gone
Lost to the Mystery of the Aging
Adrift in the Great Sea of Excuses
Blind to the threat, deaf to the hints

The consequence was coming
The window of plaque was closing
It was too late to stop it
So I met my dying self to calm him
You’re gonna have a heart attack
This time you better listen

You’ll be fine, like Mom says when you get home
You’ll heed the symptoms and head to the hospital
The doctors will open your artery
Your heart won’t be damaged

You’ll change your diet, push yourself in rehab
You’ll join a gym, play pickleball
You’ll walk the halls at work, The Mall in D.C.
You’ll beat cardiac depression and anxiety
You’ll lose weight and gain perspective

We learned the hard way, but we learned
We get a second chance
I know because we had a heart attack
One year ago today

Now get off the couch

I got the inspiration for this poem after Katie Harbath mentioned the poem “I Met My Younger Self for Coffee,” by Jennae Cecelia, and the subsequent TikTok trend. I was already planning to write about my heart attack on the one-year anniversary of that event and liked the idea of meeting myself before the heart attack. So thanks, Katie!

The top left photo is a selfie of my first outside walk at work back in the spring. Not long after that I mentioned to my colleague Jillian Price that I walk on The Mall for my lunch break, weather permitting, and she has been my walking partner ever since (second photo).

The photos below are from this week. The first was taken outside the Capitol in Albany, New York. The trek my wife and I made there from our hotel was all uphill! The second is from aboard the American Eagle on the Hudson River, as we cruise from Albany to New York City. That’s a mighty fine place to be as I mark the anniversary of my heart attack.